What was meant to be a casual invitation to go to the beach, the water slides or even just to go to a pool party would bring up anxiety. Right away my thoughts would go to « What am I going to wear?! » All my friends were smaller and skinnier and I remember feeling like the huge elephant in the room. I felt different and was envious of their freedom as they didn’t seem to worry one bit about their bodies, flirting with boys, playing volleyball on the beach. I on the other hand was the sweet friend who said « Oh no I’ll just stay here and watch our things!” when deep down I wished I was participating. The problem was that instead of enjoying an activity, I was self-conscious and missing out.
All this time I thought I was stuck in my body...but the reality was that I was stuck in my head.
It’s been said many times, society and the media are a big part of the problem. Too often they still portray women as hyper sexualized objects. Girls now grow up thinking they have to look a certain way to fit in, to get the instagram “likes”. They would rather take the risk of losing themselves than to feel rejected or bullied for being different.
So instead of enjoying a sport or activity for what it should be - to build friendships, strengthen their self confidence, improve one’s skills- some girls waste those precious times focusing on the wrong things- validating themselves through boys attention, comparing themselves to others and wondering if they are pretty and sexy enough. In real life and on social medias.« Pretty and sexy enough » won’t get you an Olympic medal, « Pretty and sexy enough » won’t make you President and certainly won’t get you a solid self-esteem. Not that feeling pretty and sexy is a bad thing ( quite the opposite ) , but that « enough » implies you are not doing it for you, but to get people’s approval.
I talk about a 14 year old here but we can all still relate at times.
That’s why on my latest Clin d’Oeil cover, the stylist and I decided to go for a one-piece. Of course we thought it looked good but I also felt I had an opportunity here to” walk my talk » : self confidence is what’s sexy, regardless on how much skin you show.
I think there is a middle ground where we can be proud of our curves and womanly figure without falling into women objectification and stereotypes.To me that is what real body confidence is about. A quiet confidence that says « I’m doing it for me ». Not to please, not to validate myself and not to get approval. Whatever swimsuit you decide to wear this summer - a sporty one piece or an itsy-bitsy bikini - what matters is that you feel great in it. Because when we feel good inside and out that’s when we shine our brightest and feel effortlessly sexy.
And so I still have my thick thighs and big butt. The difference now is that I came to peace with it and actually find it beautiful. Those curves are part of what makes me a woman. Ironically it brought me to live in NY and to build a successful career. What used to be my biggest complex became my biggest -pun not intended ! -asset.
What we often forget is that it’s our own discomfort about « our flaws” that makes people feel uncomfortable about them. And in the same thought process, whenever we exude self confidence, feel good in our own skin and free ourselves of people’s opinions, we then allow people around us to feel free as well.
Self-love is contagious.It will always be.
Photo: Geneviève Charbonneau ; HMU: Andrew Ly ; Styling: Sabrina Deslauriers ; Model: Justine LeGault ( MUSE NYC ) for Magazine Clin d'Oeil (Canada)